He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize