Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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