some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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