is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
