I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize