it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
