my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
