It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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