My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
