Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
