So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
