Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
