apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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