I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
