worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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