Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
