Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
