Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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