You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
