I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
