No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
