My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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