ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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