Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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