Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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