You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
