i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why do cheetos always look like penises
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
