I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
