yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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