Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize