Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
only you would photoshop your dick
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
