we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
