I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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