my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize