He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
