sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
