He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize