when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
