You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
