The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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