You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize