We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
