Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she smelled like a LAN party
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
