He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
