she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
