Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
