We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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