Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
