Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it's like heaven, but drunker
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
