He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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