This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
