I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
