You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
