His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
