i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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