you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
