my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
