Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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