you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
