His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
bring money and cleavage
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
