I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
