Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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