My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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