i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
