she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The adults are the big ones right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
