So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize