1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
