i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
