11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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