She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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