he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
