Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize