Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
