All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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