AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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