he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
