First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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