im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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