I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize