i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
