on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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