my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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