i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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