I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
