I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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