I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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