Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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