I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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