the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
