Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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