He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need a burrito and a hug.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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