just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
