so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
