You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
