I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
