Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
