After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
