You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
