Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
