We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
