I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
