At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
