yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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