The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So many bounce houses so little time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize