nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
