So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize