um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
