Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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