Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
