Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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