Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
