Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
