wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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