Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
