Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why do cheetos always look like penises
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
