Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
