My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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