hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
