he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
