You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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