Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
